My Empty Shoes

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I see you
staring down at my empty shoes
where your boys feet should be
running
dancing
and living

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I know what you are thinking
you’re going over
the things you taught me
all the times you said
don’t do that – but always do this
to be safe
so nothing would steal me from you

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You’re sifting through
anxieties gone
what frightened you most
what may bring me to harm
of the times you told me
not to speak to strangers
not to linger too long
on my way to school
and to always
look left
and right
before my feet touched the road

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I kept the money safe
as you told me
in my wallet
in the back pocket of my jeans
I was nearly there
the list in my hand
of bread
milk
and ice lollies for us all

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And I did
look left
and to my right
thought it was safe
once my feet hit the crossing
thought the car was coming slow
thought they saw me
in my bright red sweatshirt
thought they’d stop

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And now
all you have
is my empty room
my lonely toys
my hollow clothes
my empty shoes
and hate
circles you
every morning
and through the night
all because of her

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You think she’s an evil woman
who drank herself numb
to kill a young life
and that her sentence
for the crime
was a joke
You think she got away
as free as a bird

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I wish you could see her
like I can

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You may still choose to hate
for all she’s taken
but you would know
she will never be free
of the sunny afternoon
when her and I
crashed together

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She stares into space
just like you

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I don’t know her thoughts
because I don’t know her
like my mother
but I do know
her family – hardly speak to her
her friends – she has no friends
and she tells her psychiatrist
she drinks even more now
because
I’ll always be in her mind

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You think it’s been a waste
all those things you told me
and the times you worried
when I was sick
when I cried with child despair
and each time I got well
you felt you’d won the battle
raised me up
new again
made everything better

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But that’s what mothers do
throughout this great earth
loving
worrying
sighing with relief
mending the broken things

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It’s just a such a pity
I never got to say
thanks mum – for trying
because – that is all we have

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.For a little boy I used to know

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If you find this a little sad, make sure to watch the video in the previous post – it may lighten the mood!

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Picture: Fascination – Deviantart

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