My Revolution

freedom__by_seeinglight-d5wmf21

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All my life
I’ve endured a weight of exclusion
never the one who can
always the one who can’t
never the one with
but constant without
Standing afar
a stranger
in a whirl of happening
where my would be
never could be
The birth of desire
gifted in grief
ability almost visible
but before my hands could grasp
the thief came to steal
crushing me down
It’s time to wipe the memory
shake my head and say “no”
that I will submit and agree
to every thought declaring
“this is who you are”
This is the end
of the exclusion road
a termination for the could or would
no more stranger
wishing from afar
the negative rejected
because in these days
I truly can
and I know I will
Exclusion –
where are you now?
Your mighty weight
has been discarded
from my fortified bones
the embellishment of your name
erased
from my beautiful skin
today
my revolution is real

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Picture: seeinglight.deviantart

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It’s difficult for me to explain the details of what inspired this poem without going into more detail than I’m prepared to splash across the internet.  Some things are just too private, also a little complicated to explain and I’m sure you don’t want to read my life history!!  But what I can say is it came from a sudden realization of how my thinking had been affected, in a way infected, subtly laced with thoughts of ‘I can’t’.

It was one of those unexpected and totally clarifying moments where I finally saw something that was so hidden it had become part of my personality, but was actually down to certain circumstances past and present, and had nothing do to with the real me.  It was time to change my thinking.

I’m not a believer in revolutions in general, they are often an illusion and only rarely have a lasting effect.  But the revolutions of the mind, they’re the ones we need most.  I’ve had many of those moments in my life, and they are so essential to moving on, letting go, crawling out of the caterpillar stage and becoming that butterfly.  So this is dedicated to all those who have ever felt excluded for any reason at all.

Even if circumstances, your fears, or lack of confidence are still ruling, it’s irrelevant, you can still choose to begin to change your thinking.  Tell yourself daily – you are not excluded, don’t worry about how you feel, just say it anyway.  Change has to start somewhere, and it’s often with the tiniest thought, and an awesome word or two! 😉

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I’ve wanted to share this wonderful song from Ane Brun for so long, it seems very appropriate with this poem.  I wish there was a video, but this is the only version I could find on You Tube.  I hope you find it inspiring!

Stones from dust
Anger from fear
Poetry from heartbeats
Revolution from dreams
Revolution from dreams
Revolution from dreams
It all starts somewhere
It all starts with one
Everything comes from something
It all starts with one
Starts with one

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48 thoughts on “My Revolution

  1. Your poem could have been about me, Suzy. I remember the days when I’d be asked to do something and I’d say: “I can’t.” But, then I did get it done. Strange, they only remembered me saying, ‘I can’t.’ Lesson learned.

    Fear and a lack of confidence did hold me back. There are/were times when I felt excluded. I had to change my way of thinking. That overhaul is ongoing but I have made a lot of progress. 😉

    I love Ane Brun’s song. She’s right. “We all start with one.” You always select such perfect, meaningful tunes. I love your poem and message as well. Viva la revolution! 😉

    1. Oh, really, that’s interesting! 🙂 I wouldn’t have seen you as someone who believed she couldn’t. I’ve probably wrongly assumed journalist and teachers are confident people, but I guess we all have insecurities of some kind or another, and also some go through great changes in their lives. I have had people admire me for dealing severely with some nasty characters who turned up in my life at times, and I forget that they didn’t know me when I was a shy girl who used to shake at the thought of any kind of confrontation. But now – I wade in with confidence when required, it’s not on my can’t list any more!! 😉

      That’s great that you’ve changed Judy, it’s a good feeling! To move on closer to who you would like to be is for some just a dream, it’s sad that a lot people never change at all, never have those inner revolutions. And the feeling of being excluded may start from something outside of ourselves, but I’m sure it’s something we often end up subconsciously encouraging to grow. It’s difficult to see that too.

      I’m glad you like Ane Brun’s song, I think I’ve said before how I find her songs really inspiring, they get my mind spiralling in all directions for writing, she is so good!

      And thank you for posting this on your Facebook, that’s really kind of you Judy! 🙂

      Viva la revolution – I like that, very good! 😀

  2. Absoultely amazing Ms Suzy!!! As I read this it sounds like an awesome spoken word poem. But also very deep and personal. I know know took so much courage to write, and You wrote this beautifully.

    1. Thank you very much Alisha!! 🙂 Funny you should mention a spoken word poem, I actually did a recording of this, but there were a few bits at the beginning that I didn’t like the way I’d read it. I was going to record it again, but decided in the end that it felt like there was too much of ‘me’ in the post if I did recording too. I don’t know if I’m getting more intuitive as to what is best to include or leave out of a post or just very fussy! 😀 I just wanted people to be able to read it and identify with it, if it related to how they feel or used to feel, and me reading it too, I just thought it might get in the way of that. But I think it would be good on stage, someone with a louder voice and larger personality than mine anyway, yes I can definitely see that! 🙂

      1. Oh yes Ma’am, I completely understand. You are awesome Ms Suzy. I tell you, whether read or listened to, your poems always bless me. So I’m Shouting Your Way, Thank you Ms Suzy!!! 😄

  3. A good choice of the picture for this post – the butterfly flew free from the glass jar without a lid.. A revolutions of the mind that we/butterfly need most, indeed.

    1. Haha, yes the free butterfly! 😀 That was the intention. I was having real problems finding a perfect picture for this poem, and then I found that one – perfect! I think we are more like butterflies than we would admit, and maybe butterflies need revolutions too, but at least we have much more time, and potentially could have many in our lifetime.

    1. Thank you! Negative thinking even on a low level I’m sure is going to have some kind of setback effect, so at least I’ve set my mind in a better direction. It remains to be seen what comes of it – something good I hope! 🙂

  4. Often the only thing that comes between a person and their full potential is their own doubts and others will often capitalise on that too, which does not help. Fly free 😀

    1. Very true! Our own doubts are real killers, and they are so subtle too. Yes, other people, negative or mean minded individuals will definitely pick up our doubts probably quicker than we do sometimes. Flying free – yes I will, thank you!! 😀

  5. A fine revolution, Suzy, and the best kind, because the aftermath is all in your own hands; even if there is the occasional faltering, things will never be the same. Your speaking of the feeling of exclusion reminded me of my own youth…a sense of not belonging, not fitting-in, not “getting it,” which plagued me for some time, and which I have often seen in others. (There’s a poem in my blog archives entitled “Getting It,” which deals with this.) I’ve lived long enough to observe, also, how many persons who appear to be favored with all the power and confidence in the world are often, deep inside, full of self-doubt. Maybe it’s a universal bugaboo, that needs a revolution. Anyway, I’m happy to hear that, for you, that war is over!

    1. I’m glad you mentioned the occasional faltering, because that nearly always happens, a bit like a baby learning to walk – not everyday will be a successful day. But once a profound moment of realization occurs, yes, nothing will be the same. That sense of not fitting in is such a common one, and it’s strange that we think we even should need to fit it, because being ourselves is what matters most, it just seems to take a long time to realise that. It’s harder when we are younger though, children and teenagers at school can be so cruel with each other, just so ‘they’ are not the one who feels on the outside. But like you’ve said those who appear to be favoured with all power and confidence are deep inside, full of doubt. So true that! They often perfect a fake exterior – how sad, they must feel desperate under that illusionary persona!

      And thank you very much Cynthia, my thinking is a lot more clarified now, and certainly no need for any kind of self war! 🙂

  6. I read this beautiful poem as one of awakening Suzy. It can take all sorts of different experiences to arrive at an awakening, I know that only too well from my surrender to alcohol and the subsequent empowerment that sobriety brings. I can remember when I was in a treatment centre for alcoholism I talked about being very highly strung. My counsellor told me I didnt have to be that way. I said oh but I have no choice its what my mum was like and she has passed it on to me. To which he replied you can change. Those three small words have been the making of me. I have rid myself of all the shoulds, woulds, cant’s etc.

    From wherever your poem arose, it is very universal and Im sure many will relate xx

    1. Ah yes, definitely an awakening, that’s a perfect way to put it. Perhaps I should have called the poem that, it probably describes it better! 🙂

      Thank you for sharing that Christine, that’s a really wonderful example of what I was trying to convey in this poem. It’s a lot to overcome, an addiction to alcohol and iron out the flaws in your personality – amazing! 🙂 I’m sure if you hadn’t dealt with that highly strung character maybe you might not have become free of that addiction to alcohol too? My Dad struggled with those kinds of problems, he was a bright and good man at heart, but often failed to change his inner flaws, especially those underlying causes for why he needed that drink in the first place. He succeeded at times, but easily got disheartened and fell back into masking his unhappiness with that one beer that often turned into six, or more! 😐 He was such a lovely man without all that alcohol.

      I’m sure your story of how you found a completely new you would be really inspiring to a lot people caught in the trap of thinking that their problems are just too big to change. Maybe you should write it?! 😉

      It’s shocking how many people believe they can’t possibly change, because they’ve inherited behaviour from their parents or they’ve been like that so long it would be impossible to teach the old dog new tricks. I believe an old dog can be taught new tricks if the old dog is interested enough to learn. Progress in life is always related to being interested in the first place, thinking it might be possible, and then slowly proceeding forward regardless of the past or the present circumstances. Really well done Christine for achieving those radical changes in your thinking, it must have been hard, but so worth the effort to get rid of all your should’s, would’s and cant’s – we all need that! 🙂

      1. It definitely takes a heck of a lot of hard work to change but to simplify it I was told first try and have hope (where there’s life there’s hope) , then gradually turn that hope into belief that it is possible, finally working towards having faith in yourslf to do it. Thats over simplified but the gist of it is fairly badic when you look at it like this xx.

    1. Yes I agree, all our thoughts are not us, not who we truly are or even want to become. Knowing the difference between those thoughts and discerning what ones are right and wrong, is a good skill to have, and essential for growing in spirit. 🙂

  7. We could all benefit by flying away from our baggage. To free our thinking and our minds from the things dragging us down. I think it’s a decision we have to make for ourselves anew each day, and strive toward it.

    1. True, we all have baggage, some heavier than others! I do think it’s a daily decision, our mind can change so rapidly it’s good to review it all, remind ourselves of past decisions, refresh and update. I think if we don’t do that there’s a danger of a stagnant pond situation, and that’s not a place I want to visit again! 🙂

  8. Hi Suzy, This is a brave and honest post. I’ve wrestled with similar feelings of exclusion. Ultimately, I’m learning to offer love and compassion to myself, especially my inner child. We need to feel safe and loved, (included in our own most loving circle).

    Good luck in your inner revolution. Might I suggest a Love Revolution? blessings, Brad

    1. Thank you Brad! 🙂 I’m not sure I felt brave writing this, although I’m sure it must read like that, I found it just flowed out quite naturally. Poetry like that often does for me, if it’s a subject that’s been on my mind recently, writing about it just feels like an extension to my thought process. Yes, the inner child is always there, and shouldn’t be forgotten. I find it has an ability to speak up for itself eventually! A love revolution? I like the the sound of that! It’s very essential too, loving ourselves is not an easy one, but becomes part of those inner revolutions, moving on and upwards. So definitely, a love revolution! 🙂

  9. It’s quite nice when the thoughts flow organically from something we’ve been feeling or thinking. I’m glad to be re-acquainting myself with my inner child. 😄 I borrowed the “love revolution” from Matt Kahn. I’ve been enjoying his Youtube videos and teachings. blessings,

  10. I love the way you’ve written this, so open and honest!! Revolutions of the mind are so important. I have them too, leaving a better understanding of who I am. I love that song of Ane Brun, absolutely gorgeous, and so perfect for this poem!!

    1. Thank you, yes it is as honest as I could manage, without explaining all the detail! And very glad to hear you have them too, and that you love the song ‘One’ Ane Brun is so inspiring! 🙂

  11. Loved your ‘Revolution’ poem . . . Bravo for breaking out for it’s the same great thing as breaking in to a room full of unspeakable treasure . . . And thanks for visiting my blog. Come back now and then to take a peek . . . Blessings . . .

    1. Thank you very much, and I love the vision of the ‘unspeakable treasure!’ It really is like that sometimes, difficult to explain and show to others, but amazing within. You’re welcome, yes I’ll certainly visit your blog again Peter! 🙂

  12. Wow, I couldn’t have read this post at a better time! For me the ‘I can’t’ has always expressed itself in the thought, ‘I don’t have enough time’, and it’s only recently that I decided to deny myself that excuse. ‘I can’t’ is such a powerful phrase when we believe it. I really appreciate the honesty you put into writing this, your sincerity rings right through. This is the end of my exclusion road too. I’m tearing myself and putting it all out there. Thank you so much for sharing your path to realising that indeed you can, and even more for sharing your courage!

    Cheers,

    1. It’s so good to hear that others relate to this, that makes it worthwhile posting it, so thank you so much for sharing your feelings on this subject! 🙂 I agree, the ‘I can’t’ is very powerful, but that must mean the ‘I can’ is too, but it’s not so often discovered. I think it’s sensible to be realistic when offering to do things for other people, especially if time is not available, not good to exhaust yourself, but certainly being aware that ‘I can’t’ can creep into our whole thinking and effect our ability to believe in our abilities and our circumstances changing for the better is a useful awareness tool. Our subconscious mind is quietly working away and can create some unnoticed, and unwanted negative effects. I enjoy catching them out, it’s like sorting an overfull filing cabinet and finding items I’d long forgotten I’d stored away! 😉

    1. Ah yes, I think probably most of us have the experience of that T-shirt David!!! 😀 Self love is a big problem, I think it’s partly because not accepting ourselves can be very subtle, hidden, and stopping us from moving forward. It’s most definitely a key to progress. 🙂

    1. Thank you very much, it was good to write it out! 🙂 Blogs are a useful diary on subjects like this, I can always go through the past and check my progress! 😉 I hope you’ve been keeping okay, keeping well?

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